WOW WOW WOW! Crazy how when life gets busy again, I quickly lose my creative outlet I find so much peace in (aka writing). Not to say my past few months have gone without reflection, but the reflection has entailed less sharing & more personal journaling than it had for the previous year :) It stays with the trend that I tend to express my experiences most when I experience new places, new people, and new spaces. Thus, I sense a lot of writing needed in my coming months :)
Between planning a wedding in just a couple months, keeping up with my coaching schedule, getting our house ready to sell, and trying to find a new space to inhabit, I just haven’t given writing priority. But I miss it. We got married last weekend, it was a blast. We accepted an offer on our house a few days ago, it feels surreal. And we still have not found a new space to call our own, slightly unnerving. Oh, and I’m also interviewing for new jobs :0 But all of this change I feel coming my way has got me thinking…
Thinking mostly about desire. And how and when to make yourself or your things desirable. Mostly, this thought came to me as I became more and more emerged in the housing market. But then I realized how applicable it is to other parts of life - dating, getting married, job searching, etc.
THE NOT-SO REVELATION
People don’t like to spend money, time, or energy on something only for THEMSELVES to enjoy.
Hear me out - we have looked at a lot of houses over the past few months. In person, more than 20 I would say. Online, many many more. And something is similar between them all - they nearly all had some sort of last minute money thrown at the house to get it ready for sale. And not just “painting the walls” - some superficial, cosmetic things sure, but also some really, really big things. This is how I imagined it -
Honey 1: hey honey, let’s think about moving…
Honey 2: Sure, should we re-side, get a new water heater, re-do the kitchen, and fully landscape the backyard?
Quick $45k later…
That’s how it felt. And I found ourselves doing the same. In the past year, we completely re-did our kitchen, our upstairs bathroom, and got our exterior repainted. And we were DEFINITELY motivated by selling our house. It’s lovely & I only wish we did it sooner so I could enjoy it longer. But that’s the thing - when it comes time to move on, we make the thing we are leaving nice, desirable even. The divorced lady who suddenly has a new energy, the kid who finally has a positive relationship with their parents now that they moved out of the house.
Jake & I have pondered over this topic a lot because it seems so backwards. Like I will only invest in this thing if I have some sort of more immediate reward for doing the thing. My mind immediate compared this to dating. I think it’s safe to say that single ladies actually TRY to look cute, dress cute, and pay attention to the outward appearance more than those in committed relationships. You are TRYING to be desirable to someone else; much like selling a house (except a house doesn’t have a say in the matter…). Same with job searching - you dress the part, you are on your best behavior, you rehearse your lines. You WANT them to want you! On a basic level, it seems so obvious.
But I couldn’t help digging into this further…shouldn’t I still be making myself desirable? Making my space desirable? Making my kitchen a workable space? Setting up a creative corner? I listen to a lot of podcasts, and one thing I hear consistently when it comes to relationships is to always continue to date your partner. No matter if you’ve been together for 6 months or 40 years. It’s the simple Cheap Trick line: I want you to want me. Propagating from different places - your home, your child’s need for attention, your partner’s need for a hot date at his work party, and the list goes on.
So the next time you think about just throwing on the crocs and baggy sweats, take a second glance in the mirror - maybe keep the crocs on (because you can NEVER go wrong with crocs) but add a little mascara. Because sometimes mascara is all the TLC needed to get that offer! ;)
Peace & love,
yo’ girl Jen (soon to be homeless Jen)
