Finding Purpose when Unemployed
I’m a big goal person.
Manifest it and it’s more likely to happen;
Dream it and it will become reality;
Tell yourself you are until you actually are.
You know that kind of person. HI.
The ultimate goal I’ve written in journals for years now is to
~ BE MY OWN BOSS ~
That’s it. I want to work for myself. I want to set my schedule. I want to set my responsibilities. I want to rule my tower. Me. Myself. & I. Everyone is their own boss in some regards, you manage your temple. You give it energy (food), you exercise it (or not), you care for it, you tuck it in. Honestly, it all sounds a bit selfish writing it out, but I have some theories as to why this concept appeals to me so much:
I’ve had a lot of bad bosses - maybe not more than most, but also maybe. From coaches as a young athlete (the kind you know more than as an 8th grader) to work bosses that discouraged development to college sports coaches that mentally tore apart the team to managers that tried to act like the president of my life. No thanks. I don’t want to take any more chances. **I have to add that I have had some great mentors and even a great boss or two in my life that have started working against this narrative. Thank you to you, you know who you are. :)
Solution: manage myself - take the power away from poor leaders (N=1)
I like how I lead.
Solution: manage myself - if I’m only managing me, I only have to please me & I like me. Simple math.
Freedom. I’m a roamer, a free spirit. I dislike the corporate world of cookie cutter-ness. Corporate America tries to cage us, us being the outsiders that aren’t the same as everyone else. From PTO days to remote working rules to dress codes to “progression plans” to 18-months-before-you-can-apply-for-other-internal-job rules. I never fit & I always challenge. **This is also something that is changing with the times! Thank you sister and brother millenial trailblazers for making jeans acceptable & COVID for making WFH not frowned upon.
Solution: manage myself - go BOLD and wear leggings or a birthday suit even, take lunch at 2pm instead of Noon, have a 6 hr work day, drink good coffee, all from an oasis I’ve designed specifically for self.
I get bored quickly. I’m a pretty fast learner, I am motivated by new challenges, & I try to excel at the tasks I’m given. I put in a lot of energy, feel the waters, execute, and am ready for something more. Every job I have had up to this point has led to boredom within 2 yrs or less. I’m not saying boredom as in no challenges, but the same challenges on repeat. Just as boring or even more (with a huge side of frustration) because it shows a sign of absolutely no growth. Leadership refusing to change the bad ways they do things, no evolution of processes, lack of accountability across functions, no challenging of the status quo, no shared vision, etc. Patience is not my virtue.
Solution: manage myself - set my own responsibilities
Reward accountability & efforts. I’ve had a relatively fast-paced career path (comparatively) - my accomplishments have been rewarded. I’ve gotten $2500 bonuses, 10+% raises, and made it to “Senior” title with only 5 yrs of experience. I’ve been told that I accomplish more in 20 hrs than my peers in 40 or 50. But my salary may be 15% more or not even. I’m not special, I work hard & I work smart. It’s not about the money for me, but I personally don’t think Corporate America proportionally rewards the top 10% of the work force, nor do I feel they proportionately fail the lowest 10%. And it leads to detriment - people stop trying, stop holding themselves accountable, stay stagnant because IT DOESN’T MATTER. **Companies that don’t give consequences to the unaccountable are actually the worst kind of companies to work for, IMO. The lowest output sets the bar - they send a message of “this is the shitty level of work we are okay with”. Why would anyone try harder?
Solution: manage myself, reward myself
And then I had an opportunity. I left my job in July for many reasons, but the opportunity to BE MY OWN BOSS was definitely a factor. I wanted to try it. Unlock my potential. Really do some soul searching. Explore my creativity. Write, read, and write some more. Hike a mountain in the middle of the average Joe/Jill’s work day. Watch the mountain goats take their daily stroll. Say F.YOU to the Corporate lifestyle and all the bad bosses that have come into my path. Show myself that there was so much more purpose in exploring nature than editing a how-to-build-a-catheter document.
But today, month 6 of being my own boss, I’m just not feeling it. I’m bored; I’m unmotivated; I’m irritated that I’m bored & unmotivated. It’s been something I’ve definitely struggled with more being home in MN than I did on the road, but came in waves throughout these 6 months. It has left me wondering if being my own boss (full time) is still my end goal & also left me questioning my purpose.
The Purpose Conversation
There is something special about being a part of something bigger than yourself. Every self-help book you read will talk to the power of community. Being your own boss can often feel like you are on an island. You are N=1, until you are to a point when you can be your own boss and also hire employee(s). I understand why so many social freelances are constantly thanking their community; that is what fuels their content.
I didn’t quit my job with a clear vision of WHAT I was going to set out and do. I left with a mindset mashed with “I want a break from the corporate world/this isn’t working for me” and “let’s explore a new channel”. Not committing to “let’s explore a new channel” left me half-trying at most things I did in that new channel. Ex. I created this platform, but I never fully delved into advertising it. I created an Insta, but was never very intentional; I just posted pictures I thought were reflective of our adventure. Were we in the adventure space? The home on wheels space? The health & wellness space?
I think a part of me wanted it to come together organically (wouldn’t that be nice!). After lots of reading over the past few months, I have realized this is very unrealistic & rare. Overnight successes aren’t really a thing. You WILL have to put in the work to get seen. Without having a clear vision, I did often feel like I was hanging out on an island and motivation sometimes became difficult to find. There wasn’t much of a reason to my rhyme. Aside from extensive self-care and exploration, who was I writing for? Myself or some audience bigger than me? Who was I running for? Myself or a community that needed some motivation to get healthy?
As much as I was running from the lack of accountability when working under big brother, I have also came to appreciate how much simpler it is to have a schedule set for me. This was a surprising find - I was seeing upside to someone else telling me what to do when…I know, shocking. I also think that it’s something you have to learn and create. I have created a beautiful morning routine that I now love that helps set my day up for success. But I don’t have an 8am daily meeting or a Noon lunch break. I also see social-preneurers schedule daily Instagram lives or bi-weekly community workouts - these are some ways you can be creative to hold yourself accountable, or really have your community hold you accountable! (Note to self - not that my goal is to have an online presence exactly)
Here are a few things I learned, for the next time I take a stab at being my own boss:
Set a clear vision!
Make sure the vision is serving someone other than YOU
Expect the road to be gritty & challenging. Get used to defeat.
Get creative with ways to hold yourself accountable - know what rewards motivate you (that is a first step!). When I felt defeated job searching this past month, I bought a pair of new leggings & told myself I can’t take the tag off until I get a job offer. Or once I accept a job, I will consider buying a Peleton…
Use resources - I had friends of friends offer contact information for advice, guidance, etc. and never took anyone up on it. I’m a resourceful person, this is unlike me & just shows me I wasn’t quite ready.
Take risks. Much of my writing or attempts came with a mindset of “well even if this doesn’t go anywhere, I enjoyed the process”. But what I learned is that not all time invested will be enjoyable if you really want to find success. Ex. researching how SEOs work, creating email lists, setting up auto email, etc. - not fun for me, but also necessary if I truly want to grow my blog.
So…now what?
I still think being my own boss is an ultimate end goal for me. I just think I need to have a clearer sense of WHAT I am going for & WHY prior to jumping in and expecting fulfillment. Looking back, I would consider this attempt as “passive” or half-assed or maybe deep down, I wanted a break & not a breakthrough. This is truly SO important to understand because breaks are just as valuable! There are still many things I did while unemployed that I still consider this stint a success story. I read more than I ever have. I produced a lot of blog content & had mostly fun while doing it. I was more intentional when taking pictures & capturing moments. I tried new recipes! I EXPLORED THE COUNTRY IN A BUS WE BUILT. I spent so much time with nature. I nailed down a morning routine. I encountered bears. I survived a high elevation storm. I learned so many lessons. Jakers & I had so much quality time together - building, loving, adventuring.
One last note to my hustlers out there, unemployed due to COVID, entrepreneurs trying to breakthrough, Mamas staying home with your babies:
I feel you. It’s challenging. But we can do hard things. Know your why. Find ways to continue to ignite it. Get creative with reward systems. Take time for YOURSELF. Expect resistance, but too much resistance may mean it’s not right. Impacting 1 or impacting 1,000,000 still equals impact.
“Doing the difficult things you’ve never done awakens the talent you never knew you had”
Peace, love, and never stop exploring,
yo’ girl Jen
PS) I would like to say thank you to all managers that have told me “grass isn’t always greener on the other side” or that I’m “such a millennial” because I was leaving the company after 2 yrs of dissatisfaction. It’s tough to compare one company’s problem to another - they all have problems. But I can tell you that moving companies has given me incredible insight on the different types of problems & which I’m wiling to tolerate & which completely go against my personal values.
PPS) I am planning to get back into Corporate America, but this time, I’m searching with much more intention. I know what’s most important to me in my next role - schedule flexibility, remote options, a manager that believes in a mission I believe in, a company with a clear purpose, evolving responsibilities - just to name a few :) Maybe the things I value can be found in the Corporate world, maybe I just haven’t found the right fit yet. Only way to know is to try & try again!
