I don’t know if it’s the painstaking interviewing process, the chaos of our government, the time spent in our house, winter weather getting to me, or likely a combination of all, but let me tell you I’m feeling MENTAL lately. And not in a good way. In an absolutely crazy way! I have my good days, but I have my anxiety-ridden-WTF-has-this-world-come-to kinda days as well. I’ve done a lot of reflection about it, trying to figure out the exact triggers that send me in a spiral; the more people I talk to, the more I also realize it’s not just me. Which sure, adds a level of comfort, but I also don’t think it’s a healthy feeling for the general population to be holding, so let’s see what we can unpack :D
Disclaimer: this post may get deeper than you want to go and I think my political stand on today will be apparent, but I urge you to keep reading no matter your view because that’s one of the main problems these days - we cannot stand hearing the “other side”. It only deepens our polarization that is causing the national breakdowns we are seeing today.
Seeing, learning, exploring, researching, reading sad things make me feel sad. I think that’s a characteristic of being human…or at least having any amount of empathy. You see suffering and you feel a part of that suffering. Don’t get me wrong, living on the front lines of the suffering is much different than seeing it from afar, but a part of it still wears on me. And I am fortunate to say I do not know anyone that has gotten critically ill with COVID, I don’t have really have family that are in a financial crisis, I was just out exploring the country in a converted bus for 4 months! My life is good.
But lately, sadness is just so apparent in every direction I look. It’s taken some awareness practice for me to really figure out WHAT is making me sad - digging into the core of it to understand if it’s necessary or if I’m carrying baggage that isn’t mine to carry. What I found was surprising - podcasts about breakups had me questioning my relationship, books about WWII survival had me shaken, news about people (more like animals) carrying confederate flags into the Capitol, watching the Social Dilemma reflecting on the polarization of our nation - it’s all freaking scary & highlights the kind of hate people, humans like you and me, are capable of. I’ve gone through stages of anger, stages of sadness, stages of judgement, but most days now I feel a black cloud sits above me (literally with the overcast in MN winters).
So what can we do about it?
This has been the big question I have been asking myself. Because if there is a way I can make it better and feel happier (we all want that, right?!?), why not fight for it and figure it out? On top of the world events, I’m unemployed and job searching - which means I have the choice on how I wish to spend my days, for the good or bad. With job searching, my fate is in other folk’s hands - only adding to the stress of the times (that I put on myself, thank you). So here are some solutions, not all great and not all recommended, that I have come up with.
1) Stop consuming the sadness
In the past, I would have probably thought this was a good option. Stay in my bubble, find things that make me happy, and leave the icky stuff that doesn’t fit nicely out. Honestly, if I had to generalize a population, this is what rural America does. This is the mindset I grew up with.
However, in the world we are living in today and the more I have exposed & educated myself, this is no longer a good option or in alignment with my values. Sure, there is some consumption I am all for taking out of my life - morning news is a good example. Even if the world were 99.9% happy, the news would find a way to frame all stories around the 0.1% of the sad people because they’re the news, and sad stories sell I guess. Focusing on the majority of people who SURVIVED COVID just wouldn’t be a very exciting story.
2) Surround yourself with people that think like you and share the same views & values
This is what our world encourages today. The Social Dilemma on Netflix sums this up very well, our country is more polarized than it has ever been. Social media feeds you more and more of what they know will keep your attention. People are less and less likely to engage with someone different than them. Judgement is immediate. You only get one side of the story - you only see the views, videos, people that are LIKE you. But there are issues with this…it doesn’t let us think freely or make our own opinions or hear out other valid reasons that may be built upon other life experiences. It fills the world with hate, enemies with people we don’t even know. Think about this powerful passage in Trevor Noah’s book Born a Crime:
“In society, we do horrible things to one another because we don’t see the person it affects…We live in a world where we don’t see the ramifications of what we do to others, because we don’t live with them. If we could see one another’s pain and empathize with one another, it would never be worth it to us to commit the crimes in the first place.
-Trevor Noah, Born a Crime
I was raised in a small town. In full transparency, my school had less than 5 black people out of a 1000+ students, and the ones that were in our community were typically adopted. It was not known to be culturally diverse. We learn what our environment teaches us, and hate and judgment is easy when those you are hating and judging aren’t in your environment.
After high school, I went to a small liberal arts school about 2 hrs from home - each leap enlightening me to a bit more diversity than the next. Still, it wasn’t anything radical. I had some black friends, a mixed fling, an Asian roommate, but most all came from the same “class” of folk. After all, they were at a school that costs $60,000/yr. But it started to open my doors.
I wanted more after college - more adventure, more perspective, more freedom, more evolution. So I went to teach English in Thailand. I grew up traveling to Disney World and the Black Hills - grateful, but not exactly places that were any different from home, except with the Magic Kingdom. So Thailand…was a BIG leap to me figuring it out. I was now around people that spoke a different language, looked nothing like me, was the object of all stares, and had no idea how to use public transportation. I was the OUTCAST and in complete culture shock. I will never forgot the moment I boarded the 2nd flight departing South Korea, where I was 1 of the handful of white people on a 350 passenger plane. It was overwhelming, but finally for once, I knew what it felt like to be the minority; it was humbling.
Up until that point, I viewed the world as “white”. If not in skin color, then in culture. My beliefs were challenged when I immersed into a new culture, new people, new belief systems, new ways of life. I started getting more and more curious & the judgement and hate started shedding its layers and becoming curiosity. This is why I love to travel. Each and every adventure opens my mind to something I haven’t explored before. I now understand why in many Asian countries, standing on the toilet seat is normal :P
I don’t believe the only way to be more human is to experience all of these things yourself, but I sure think it expedites the process. If you never leave your community or intentionally immerse into something “different” than all you’ve ever known, the process of growth and acceptance will be challenging.
TIP I: to soften the culture shock, bring someone that is even WHITER than you to Thailand. The more blonde, the more fair skinned, the more tall & skinny, the more beloved and intensified your cultural experience will be.
TIP II: if you are new to traveling to countries or cultures much different than your own, I highly suggest starting somewhere Americans are liked! Or pretend you are from Canada. Because no one hates Canada. I think starting off solo backpacking in India would have made me want to run and hide in a cave for the remainder of my life.
3) Counteract the sad with happy
And the best option I can find these days, is to find and create moments of joy between all of the heavy stuff. Since I believe it’s important to stay involved and updated with the latest world events, consuming sad things is just the reality today. FACT: there are a lot of sad things happening (unless you believe storming the Capitol building is a positive world event…then we probably have a lot more to talk about than being happy…)
Do yourself a favor - throw in breaks and things that bring you joy throughout the day (see joy list here). This will be different for everyone - an afternoon walk, a fun recipe to make for dinner, a Peloton lunch break, a make-out sesh w/yo babes, sushi take out - whatever gives you a smile! Pencil it in and commit to it even if when “you don’t feel like it”. Sometimes it’s really tough to convince myself to go for a run, but I never regret a run.
Things that have Helped Me Equalize the crazy brain:
Much like me, I doubt you want to have a miserable life filled with depressing news. I do believe there is a way to stay educated today & also have a happy life. A way to make a difference, keep your belief systems, and still find a way to have positive experiences. I have found myself in this state of questioning with the job interview process - am I doing something wrong? Do I have too strict of requirements? Should I compromise something? I consider myself a pretty confident person, but the process messes with you. So having certain things in the times of uncertainty is really helpful for me.
Establishing a morning routine - at least I know my mornings will be peaceful and I will be in a better mental space than when I woke up. Starting the day with some sort of routine has been helpful for me - whatever that looks like for you! It doesn’t have to start with opening your phone to social vomit being shoved in your brain.
Wake up // brush teeth, blahblahhh // make coffee // 10 mins yoga // 5-10 mins guided meditation // journaling // sip coffee, Bulletproof lately // read something to expand your mind // AND THEN THE DAY BEGINS!
Getting fresh air - it’s just good for the soul!
Working out - sometimes I double whammy this and workout in the fresh air! BOOM.
GRATITUDE - this is so cliche, but whenever I’m feeling sad or down or throwing myself a pity party because I got a job rejection, I try to think of the good things that are happening. Instead of, “I got rejected” turns into “well I still have 2 more companies to hear back from! That opportunity wasn’t for me”.
Referring to my joy list! :D
Find a way to laugh - see my podcast suggestions below, but in this time of isolation, sometimes you just need another voice in your head aside from yours or your partners. Walks & podcasts or audio books have been my savior.
Limiting social media time - once you know how the game works (watch the SOCIAL DILEMMA), you fall for its tricks less & less. I’m not so good at this yet, but following accounts and reading articles that oppose the views you hold is also working against the polarization. Replace this time with quality time with self or your partner - we love GAMES! Azul has been the fam favorite these days.
I don’t have a great solution to the sadness and anxiety-ridden mess we are all in. Support one another, try to keep an open mind, withhold judgement, be willing to engage in discussion, reach out more, talk about what’s happening in the world (getting the COVID vaccine or not is NOT politics, neither is wearing a mask). Of course this is something that is always a work in progress. When my 16-yr old brother told me he disapproved of our incumbent VP because “her voice annoyed him”, I nearly lost my shit and fully would have if Jake wouldn’t have told me to leave the room. Expect to fail, but the only way we can be successful is to keep on keepin’ on.
Find peace & give love,
yo’ girl Jen (& this soundtrack to embody)
“Do the best you can until you know better. And then when you know better, do better”
Appendix: Some Resources that have helped me get educated & stay sane
1) For when you want to learn through storytelling: This American Life podcast, Nice White Parents (sister pod of This American Life)
Some of the most powerful/relevant episodes: The Out Crowd (“remain in Mexico” policy), Three Miles (division in American schools), Squeaker (presidential election), Personal Recount (people changing their minds), Umbrellas Down (Hong Kong)
2) For when you want some entertainment: This American Life - Switched at Birth, Something Only I can See, Trust Me I’m a Doctor
3) For when you need a proper laugh: Smartless podcast (Stacey Abrams episode throws in lots of info on politics as well!)
4) For when you want to read while educating: Born a Crime by Trevor Noah (growing up in South African apartheid), I’m Still Here by Austin Channing Brown (black women with a white male name story), The Nightingale (WWII survival)
5) For when you want some self-help:
Books: Untamed by Glenon Doyle, Atomic Habits by James Clear, Becoming by Michelle Obama
Pods: Rachel Hollis Podcast, Lewis Howes School of Greatness, Where Should We Begin (Spotify only - couples counseling)
6) For when you want to focus on something other than the news:
Cooking new recipes (Half Baked Harvest, Rachael Good Eats - try HIGH FAT), Bulletproof coffee, Peloton digital app ($12/m for so much motivation & entertainment)
